In early 2024 I thought I was experiencing a sexual awakening. But it turned out that it was more complicated than that. I was experiencing my first diagnosable manic episode.

I wasn’t just learning new things about myself sexually, but making impulsive, dangerous decisions, blowing up my marriage, and putting my job at risk with my behavior.

But the first part is still true. It was a sexual awakening. Mania may have flipped my life upside down. But I needed it. It showed me the truth. That I had lost myself. Not just in my marriage, but in almost 50 years of people pleasing.

This is the story about how mania opened me up to new possibilities, brought new love into my life, and showed me who would remain at my side on this journey with me, even when I was at my worst. And mostly, mania reminded me that I was worthy. Of it all.